Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

The Charge
When all else fails, they don’t.

Opening Statement
Pre-release buzz hasn’t been kind to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Even hardcore fans lambasted the film as a failure, with only the preview to support their theory. Rumors started to circulate that director Sommers was replaced in the editing room and screen tests had resulted in G.I. Joe becoming the lowest scoring movie in Paramount history. The filmmakers and the studio both denied these allegations, though this didn’t deter the fanboys from continuing to deride the property as a surefire flop and probable artistic whitewash.

One look at the film, however, and you should be able to deduce that it’s the haters and not the makers who are lying. It may not be a masterpiece but boy is the new G.I. Joe a whole heap of fun. There is no way this well-executed actioner is the worst testing movie in Paramount history. It’s far from cerebral, but there is simply too much to enjoy for any semblance of hate to creep inside a viewers mind. The film falls flat in a few areas, typical for a blockbuster (story, dialogue), but the action is fantastic and the performances are a hoot and a half.

Facts of the Case
The film picks up as U.S. soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum, Step-Up), Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, Scary Movie), and their platoon are ambushed, as they attempt to move a set of devastatingly powerful missiles across the country. The thief happens to be an old squeeze of Duke’s who now goes by the name "The Baroness" (Sienna Miller, Stardust). She steals the weapons but, thanks to intervention of a secret unit called G.I. Joe, the men escape with their lives. G.I. Joe immediately take Duke and Ripcord back to base where the pair join up under the watchful eye of General Hawk (Dennis Quaid, Flight of the Phoenix). After completing a series of initiation trials, Ripcord and Duke prepare to help the squad find out if the mastermind behind the theft is a sinister weapons dealer (Christopher Eccleston, Doctor Who) or is something bigger behind the Baroness’ violent actions.

The Evidence
If you’re the sort of filmgoer who has no trouble tapping into your inner 15 year old, then go see G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It’s that simple. The film packs everything into its two hour runtime that one loves about blockbusters: great action, cool characters, cheesy comedy, a dash of romance, and plenty of sex appeal. Stephen Sommers carries with him a love/hate stigma amongst film fans — you either find his brand of high octane action awesome or grating. I have always maintained a soft spot for the man. The Mummy and Van Helsing are unfairly maligned and his forgotten monster movie Deep Rising is pleasantly entertaining. G.I. Joe stays true to past form, so your feelings concerning his directorial ability will probably once again come to play. If you’ve detested past efforts, I doubt this picture will change your mind. However, if you’re prepared to forgive a thin plot and a few other faults, you’ll receive a straight up dose of fun.

The performances throughout are affable and never taken too seriously, the filmmakers having assembled an odd collection of thespians to bring this world to life. Channing Tatum takes his leading man duties and executes them solidly, displaying a knack for action, drama, and a little comic relief, whilst showcasing a natural and likable charisma. For the ladies, he also provides an obvious blast of sex appeal, though on that front the film’s biggest star is a leather clad Sienna Miller. The British actress prances around in interchangeably sexy outfits, while totting guns and villainous smirks like they’re going out of fashion. Miller has done some good work in the past, but has been slow to embrace Hollywood. G.I. Joe proves she’s as game as anyone for kickass action and blockbuster credentials. The rest of the cast is sound. Old stalwarts Dennis Quaid and Jonathan Pryce do good work in smaller roles, while a younger generation of actors such as Rachel Nicols and Marlon Wayans carry out their efforts remarkably well. Until the final 20 minutes, the film lacks a clear bad guy — Eccleston’s arms dealer is adequate, but never terrifically imposing — though further sequels should sort out this problem by default.

The story is pretty linear and underwhelming, but the writers have at least written a batch of characters more intriguing than the average blockbuster inhabitants, with several of the personalities having been gifted surprisingly dense and effective back-stories. These little flashbacks play second fiddle to the explosive action and athletic sword fights, but one has to admire the writing team for adding a little extra meat to their characters’ bones. The dialogue certainly clunks around in places, but hey, even the original Star Wars movies had the odd ear-splittingly awful one-liner.

The action sequences are exhilarating and the use of CGI is sharp and effective, Sommers having perfected the ratio of banging thrills to plot dramatics present in good summer movies. The finale is an unstoppable rush of FX-driven adrenaline, but even in its smaller moments of carnage and gun blasting this is a movie that knows how to keep audiences on the edge of their seats. Never do the set pieces grow stale or repetitive like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This is action at its most sublime; a missile-induced pursuit through the streets of Paris is quite possibly the best action sequence of 2009 thus far. The neat CGI is definitely a bonus. Sommers’ lively and energetic direction gifts these moments with excitement and enticing scale, marking them as the best sort of set-pieces the genre offers.

Closing Statement
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a total blast from start to finish, the sort of blockbuster where the story is padding for celebratory action and keen performances. Not being a fan of the enterprise, I can’t say if this is the movie G.I. Joe devotees have waited so long for nor if their hatred is deserved and rightfully placed. However, for those in search of seasonal thrills and monstrously entertaining filmmaking, I suggest you give it a chance. This is a better action movie than I or anyone else was seemingly expecting. Fans of delightful popcorn cinema would be unwise to miss it.